Don’t hate the player, hate the game bay-bee! Unless the player is cheating or a super Annoying Winner or a Rule Bender. Those are completely different circumstances.
In our time at Game Goblins, we have come to notice that there are several types of board gamers – or several archetypes if you will. Each with their own beautiful qualities and horrendous flaws, if you play board games long enough, you’re bound to run into all of them at some point in your career.
1. THE RULE BENDER (SO NOT CHEATING!)
This is the player that places their tiles when no one is looking and then refuses to tell you what their move was. They pile their money so no one can count it but them. They read a card wrong and took a double action but let’s just keep playing or everyone will have to go again…
They never cheat outright, but if they know the rules look out! They will decide how to interpret everything the rules don’t explicitly say in their favor. And then change their mind in the next game!
2. THE RULE DETECTIVE
This board gamer may seem closely related to the Rule Bender, but there are some key differences. This gamer lives by the rules and if you have even the slightest question about rule interpretation, get READY to wait while he rifles through the rulebook and checks out the online forums. To the Rule Detective, a rule is a sacred thing – and death to all those who defy it. (Not really, but you know, he probably passive-aggressively won’t pass you the chips for a few turns.)
3. THE OPEN BOOK
This player starts to shake when they pick up a bad card. They pump their fist when they read a good one. They grin while they wait for their next turn and you just know you’re about to lose… Never play a bluffing game with these board gamers on your team unless you’re ready to lose. Hard.
4. THE DEEP THINKER
This person loves strategy games. So much so that they Will. Not. Be. Rushed. to complete their turn. You’ll be waiting until 2080 for them to make a move, so be proactive and as soon as their turn starts, go make a snack or take a potty break. You’ll thank yourself later. If you’re struggling to be patient, just remember…they are this way because they really, really care.
5. THE SORE LOSER
You know who we’re talking about. You play with them once a year and you always swear “never again!” They sulk, say “This game is stupid,” and point out all the wrong moves the other players made that, if avoided, could have led to them winning. It really sucks the fun out of winning which is just…wrong, man.
6. THE ANNOYING WINNER
Sometimes a Sore Loser is an Annoying Winner in disguise or vice versa. But either way, these kinds of board gamers are borderline insufferable when they win. They rub it in your face, fish for compliments, and reminisce about that time he won three games into the night – no matter what the rest of you have accomplished.
7. THE ALPHA NERD
This person as been playing longer than any of you and it’s given them a weird sense of entitlement. They try to coach you while you play (whether you need it or not), refuse to look up rules because they “know them by heart,” and will cheerfully argue about any point of the game for hours. They ARE the ultimate board gamer. And we promise you won’t forget it.
8. THE REST OF THE BOARD GAMERS
And then there’s the rest of us! Because anyone reading (or writing) this article couldn’t possibly fit into one of these categories. We’re just here to play, have fun, and never ever pout when we lose… right?
If you want to talk about board games with other board gamers, contact Game Goblins! We have connections, staffers, and events that could all help you find your next perfect game night. No matter which of these guys show up.